When taking care of someone with cancer, what to expect

You want to help someone you know who has been diagnosed with cancer. You might not know how, though.

Some people don’t know how to ask for help, or the things they need help with may seem too long and difficult to handle. So, instead of asking what you can do to help, it’s better to give your friend or family member something specific you can do.

What can you do, though, that will really help? Some of our cancer patients told us about the best things their friends and family have done to help them while they were getting treatment. This is what they say.

Drop off food

Get family and friends to take turns making and bringing meals while the patient heals. You can even order food and have it brought to you. You could also do your own food shopping or order them online and have them brought to you.

Help them keep their home going

Do all the things that someone who doesn’t have cancer would usually do to keep the family going: cook, clean, mow the lawn, do laundry, wash dishes, pay the bills, get the kids ready for school, walk the dog, and so on.

Take a break from being the main helper

Help with the kids or pets, organize medicines, or go to doctor’s appointments instead of the caregiver. You could also send the patient’s spouse, parent, or child off for a massage or a night or weekend to relax. This can make the helper feel better and give them the strength to keep going.

Take the person to and from their meetings

Take them to checkups and tests even after their treatment is over. This is a time when cancer patients often feel a lot of stress, even years after their treatment is over. It can help a lot to have someone to talk to and a nice face.

Write down notes during meetings

During and after treatment, patients may not remember much, and the amount of information they are given may be too much for them to handle. People can make sure they remember what they need to know later by writing it down during visits or when the doctor or nurse stops by.

Visit

When you’re in the hospital, the days can seem very long. Having a friend or family member visit can really help. However, remember that cancer patients often feel tired, so don’t stay too long unless they ask you to.

Take care of their kids

Show them around, help them with their homework, or have them over for a sleepover or play date. This can help the kids forget about the cancer and make their parents feel better.

Set up a comfortable living space for them

People who need to get care out of town may be able to stay temporarily in apartments or at the homes of family and friends. You could bring the patient’s own bed sheets and blankets from home, as well as family photos and art that makes them think of home. This could make them feel better while they’re not at home.

Give a gift bag for self-care

During treatment, patients may find it hard to put themselves first. Give them a bag with lotion that doesn’t have a smell, fuzzy socks, lip balm, a journal, and other things to help them relax and feel good while they’re getting treatment.

Stay in touch

Call, text, email, etc. One idea is for friends to set up a phone chain. A friend calls the patient every day at the same time to check in. You can let the patient know you’re thinking about them in this way.

Be kind and send a gift

Send them a tasty treat in the mail or give them fun things to do while they’re getting care. It would be helpful for the person with cancer to read books on how to talk to their kids about it. You could buy a small flip pad and use it to keep track of the days until the end of your treatments. For every day, write a quote, an affirmation, or just some easy words of help. That’s a great way to help someone stay upbeat and make their day better.

16 gift ideas from people who have survived cancer

Pray with or for the person
This gives a lot of people the strength to go on with their days.
Listen with them while you sit down.

Don’t give suggestions or help unless someone asks for it. Instead, let the patient know you understand how bad cancer is and offer to be their shoulder to cry on. Also, if the person doesn’t want to talk, just sit there with them. Having power comes from just being there.

Talk about normal things

Keep in mind that most people with cancer don’t want to be treated differently because they have it. Like before, talk to your buddy or loved one. Talk about your kids’ school, the area, your favorite TV shows, and other things. This might take people’s minds off of their cancer for a little while. Tell them jokes or show them funny movies to make them laugh. It’s true that laughing is good for you.

Grow a garden

If you’re good at gardening, you might want to grow some herbs and veggies. This will grow healthy food for the patients to eat, and the patients can help in the yard if they want to. Gardening has many benefits, such as lowering stress and making you feel better mentally.

Plan a fun time out for them as a surprise

If the patient is doing well enough during treatment, you might want to take them somewhere fun for the day. Like, if your loved one really loves golf, they might not be able to get to a course for 18 games. A surprise trip to a golf shop to buy new gear or a few hits around the putting green, on the other hand, might be fun.

Get them going

Tell them to do what they need to do to get better, like doing their rehab routines, taking their medicine, or eating more.

It doesn’t matter how you decide to help; any love and support you give can make a big difference, whether it makes the patient feel better or gives them more time and energy to focus on job No. 1: getting better and living again.

Giving someone with cancer care can be hard on your body and your mind. In terms of your body, you might feel tired, have changes in your hunger, or have trouble sleeping. You might feel sad, worried, guilty, angry, frustrated, or powerless. Too often, caregivers put their own needs last so they can help their loved one.

What Cancer Patients Need Most

Socks that are soft or funny.
Hats or scarves that are fun.
Washcloths, towels, or sheets that are bright and soft.
Pillowcases made of silk or satin.
Underwear or a robe.
Strange products, like lotion and soap.
Postcards with stamps.
snacks or things you like or don’t normally eat.

Tell them that you’ll be there to listen if they want to talk, and then just be there. Do your best to listen without judging. Allow them to have peace. Help the person through the whole diagnosis, from the start of care to the end.

Caring for someone every day, speaking up for them, and making choices about their end-of-life are all difficult tasks. What to expect and how to act in different conditions are given below.

This is a guide to what to expect and how to deal with different parts of taking care of someone who has cancer.

Effective talking to others

As a cancer caregiver, you need to be able to communicate properly so that everyone knows what the patient needs and can meet those needs. It also makes it easier to work with other healthcare professionals.

Talking to the person you’re taking care of

Help yourself and the person you’re caring for talk to each other better by following these suggestions:

Be honest and kind: Tell the person the truth about their medical condition and treatment plans, and be aware of how they’re feeling and offer support, as this can be a very scary time for them.
Ask open-ended questions and encourage open communication. Give the person a safe place to talk about their feelings and thoughts, and start a conversation to let them go into more detail.
Respect their right to be independent. Let them help make decisions about their care, and know that they might need time to think things over and speak up.
Be patient. Know that it might be hard to talk to the person who has cancer at first as both of you get used to the situation. Be kind to each other. You might want to talk to a doctor or therapist if you need help figuring out how to deal with things together.
Having conversations with medical workers
Caregivers and medical experts, such as doctors, nurses, and hospital staff, must be able to talk to each other clearly in order to give people with cancer the best care possible.

Some studies, like a small one from 2018Trusted Source, show that it can be very hard for people who are caring for someone with cancer to get fast and correct information. Even though they ask healthcare experts, brochures, and the internet for help, the information they get is often unclear or not enough.

This can make parents feel alone and push them to look for information on their own, which can delay getting help.

To get along better with medical workers, you can do the following:

Make sure you’re ready by writing down any questions, symptoms, or worries you or the person with cancer have before each visit. This will help you make sure you don’t miss anything important during the visit.
As you talk to healthcare workers, write down the most important things they say. This will help you remember your treatment plans and do what they say.
Make it clear what your role is: If the person with cancer gives permission, ask the medical staff to write down your name and contact information in the medical record so they can talk to you. Even though you may have to fill out papers, letting them know that you are the caregiver can help them get in touch with you.
If you don’t understand a medical term or set of directions, ask the healthcare professional to explain them in a way that you can understand. If you need writing information, don’t be afraid to ask for it.
Advocate for the patient: Make sure that the person with cancer’s wants and worries are heard, especially if they can’t do it themselves.
Follow up: Remember all of your meetings, test results, and any changes to your treatment plan. Talk to the person’s healthcare workers often about their progress.
Build relationships: Get along well with the healthcare team. Being familiar can help people talk to each other better and make it easier to deal with problems quickly.

Making choices about health

As a caregiver, you often have to make choices about how to care for the person every day, what to do in an emergency, and how they want to die. When making these decisions, it’s important to think about both the person’s wants and how to best care for them.

Choices about daily care

Here are some things to keep in mind when setting daily care goals:

Hygiene: To make sure the person is comfortable and keeps their dignity, you may need to help them bathe, groom, and do other personal care chores.
Comfort: Make sure the person is in a comfy space by giving them the right bedding, clothes, and temperature control. To avoid bedsores, give people regular chances to move around.
Emotional help: Listen with compassion and offer emotional support. Encourage the person to talk about their worries and feelings, and let them know that you understand how they feel.
Food: Make sure that the person’s diet meets their nutritional needs by working with medical experts. Take into account any dietary needs or limits when planning and making meals that are healthy and easy to digest.
Physical activity: Suggest light exercises that are safe and right for the person’s state, like short walks and gentle stretching.
Medicines: You will probably help the person take care of any medicines they need to take at home, like those for oral cancer or to deal with side effects of treatment. Sort the medicines into groups, write down the names, amounts, and when to take them, and help the person do it right.
Plan for emergencies
When caring for someone with cancer, you might face a number of emergencies, such as a pain crisis, an infection, bleeding, mental health issues, or side effects of the treatment.

Here are some ways to get ready for the worst:

List of emergency contacts: Keep a list of people who can help you in an emergency, such as doctors, family members, and friends.
Medical information: Write down everything you know about the person’s health background, including any allergies, medications they are taking, and any health problems they already have. In an emergency, this knowledge could be very helpful.
Kit for emergencies: Put together an emergency kit with things like medicines, medical supplies, first aid supplies, and important papers like insurance cards and advance instructions.
Replacement caregiver: Pick a replacement caregiver who can help if you can’t be reached in an emergency. Find people you can trust to take care of your pets or kids in an emergency, and make sure they have all the tools and information they need.
Education and training: If you want to learn how to handle emergencies well, you might want to take a course in first aid or emergency planning.
Making choices about death

It’s hard to think about being dead. Talking about values and goals in small, general groups can help with planning without being too much. You can plan for and make choices about your end-of-life by following these steps:

Plan for palliative care. This type of care may be helpful during any stage of cancer treatment, not just near the end. Palliative care professionals take care of the person’s quality of life by managing their pain and other symptoms.
Talk about end-of-life wishes: Be open and honest with the person about their end-of-life care wishes, such as what medical treatments, hospice care, and steps to keep them alive they would like. Write down these requests in advance directives, like a living will, and give family members copies.
Talk to medical professionals: Talk to medical professionals, like doctors and hospice staff, about the person’s prognosis and the end-of-life care options that are available.
Quality of life: Make sure that the person’s physical, emotional, and spiritual needs are met in a way that fits with their wants and maintains their quality of life.
Understanding how to treat
During their treatment, you may need to help them with appointments, keep track of their medications, and offer mental support. Here are some good ways to help:

Learn about the treatment plan: Get to know the person’s treatment plan, which could include radiation, surgery, chemotherapy, or other medicines. Know when each treatment is scheduled, what it’s for, and what side effects you can expect.
Keep track of your medications: Write down all of your anticancer drugs, along with their dosages and dates. Make sure the person takes their medicines on time by giving them a pill organizer and setting alarms. To keep track of each round of chemotherapy, write down the days that the treatment takes place, any side effects that happen, and how the person feels.
Take care of side effects: Take charge of taking care of side effects. Make a plan for common problems like feeling sick, being tired, and having pain. Stay in touch with your healthcare team so they can help you deal with any serious or unexpected side effects.
Get ready for treatments: Make sure the person has everything they need to get ready for their treatments. This could include clothes that are easy to move around in, snacks, water, and things to do during long treatment sessions.
Coordinate with the healthcare team: Keep the lines of communication open with nurses, doctors, and other healthcare workers. It’s important that everyone agrees on the treatment plan and any changes that happen.
Promote mental health: Offer emotional support during treatments by staying positive, reassuring the person, and paying attention to their worries. A person’s emotional health can have a big effect on how well they respond to care.

Certain cases

There are different problems that you might face as a caregiver, such as having your own health problems, not having enough money, or living far away from your loved ones.

Here are some examples of them and how to deal with them:

Personal health problems: It can be hard to balance your own needs with those of the person with cancer when you are also taking care of them. Take care of yourself first, ask family or respite care services for help, and be honest with healthcare professionals about your position.
Stress about money: It’s easy to feel stressed when you’re having a hard time with money because of things like medical bills or lost wages. Look into programs that can help you get money, talk to financial advisers, and make sure that your spending is based on what you need most.
caring when you’re young: If you are a young caregiver, it may be hard to balance your caring duties with school, friends, and personal growth. Ask your family, teachers, or tutors for help, and make sure you give yourself time to study and be you.
Caregiving from afar: It can be hard to give hands-on care to a loved one who has cancer when you live far away. Try to keep in touch with the person on a daily basis, set up visits or help from local resources and caregivers, and use technology to check in and keep an eye on them from afar.
Taking care of young children at home: If you have kids, you might need help with meal prep, housework, and child care. So, you can take care of the person with cancer while knowing that your kids are being cared for at home by someone who will help them feel normal.
Taking care of you
It can be very hard to take care of someone who has cancer, especially if they are close family.

A study from 2020 found that family caregivers of people with late-stage cancer had a lot more anxiety and sadness than the general population and were more likely to have mental health problems.

Useful ways to take care of yourself

Take care of yourself first. Set aside time to do things you enjoy and rest.
A healthy diet is important, and you should try to be active whenever you can.
Make sure you get enough rest.
Keep in touch with family and friends to get mental support.
You might want to join a support group for caregivers.
Hire temporary care to give yourself a break.
Get regular checkups with your doctor.
If you’re feeling stressed, depressed, or nervous, you should get professional help.
Set limits and standards that are reasonable.
When you need help, ask for it.
In the end

As a cancer caregiver, you will likely have to deal with a lot of complicated medical needs, offer emotional support, and do everyday jobs that can be hard on your body and your mind.

Don’t be afraid to ask for help from healthcare experts and support groups. Also, remember to take care of yourself first to keep your health in good shape.